The Town Historian

- Minor public notary
- Lives in a small stone cottage in the the graveyard
- Spent his life watching the good old values come in only to be supplanted by the bad new ones
- Nobody has visited him in years
- Reminisces from time to time with the bird lady about when they could taste food and their friends were alive
- One the object of scandalous rumors regarding a minor incident at the gas station in which he was caught masturbating while taking a shit
- That was five years ago and it has been five years since he did either one of those two things
- Sells rocks in his spare time, interested in expanding his trade to include scrap metals

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