-The enigma
-Oldest janitor at Rip Van Winkle High
-Some call him "big janitor"
-Believed to be ~63 but nobody is sure
-Least of all Rich
-Has definitely worked at the school for the majority of his life
-Can't remember when he's supposed to retire
-A smug and vacant aura hangs around him
-A wolf who thinks he's a rabbit
-Understands the value of a good barbecue
-Horrible barbecue, always comes out a charred mess
-People love it
- his wife's name is Petunia Rose
-Huge fan of beer
-Especially loves PBR, or "Pap Smear Richard's" as he puts it
-on this subject Rich has been known to say: "this host baahdy runs on BEER alone"
-Wears a maximum of 3 plaid shirts
-6'9"
-Opaque glasses but you can tell his eyes won't focus
-mostly horrible, skinny torso
-Gorilla like arms
-Probably cuts his own hair
-19" inseam
-Size 13 shoes
- his vehicle is an alive truck
- the truck was not always alive
- one day Rich was sucking on the exhaust pipe of his Tacoma he blew out instead of in, forcing the breath of life into the hapless machine
- now it screeches like a man whenever the key is in the ignition so you can hear Rich coming from a mile away
-Derek works with him when he substitutes as a janitor
-Rich maintains they are not janitors
-Nor custodians
-Offers no preferred title
-Derek's favorite janitor, always makes him laugh
-Ends up working by himself until 1 in the morning
-Assures others he doesn't mind, he has an ice cold beer waiting for him at home
-Thinks Mr. Teddy is his 6th best work friend
-Calls him such names as "Mr. Teddliy Bear", "Ted Bundy", "Shoulda-Been Deady Teddy"
-Thinks it's playful jabs between colleagues
-Actually devastates Mr. Teddy without fail
-All the other janitors think Rich is their "pack leader"
-All gang up on Mr. Teddy and make him the "Omega"
-All while Rich looks on, innocently unaware of Mr. Teddy's plight
-Smiling that spacey, toothy grin of his
-Huge fan of "self-made woman" Lady Gaga
meanwhile, on an adjacent plane of reality, it's FIST LAD UNIVERSE