Mr. Teddy

- Comes in at a paltry 4'10"
- Shit height
- Sweaty
- Feckless
- Rarely speaks coherently (mumbles and grunts, mostly)
- Repeats any full word he says 3 times
- Baby voice
- Real offputting dude
- Mustache smells like vinegar
- Only embarrasses himself and others when thinking about let alone attempting a barbecue of any kind
- Really he knows he's just a rabbit in a world of wolves
- A shit rabbit at that
- Once tried putting a dog door in, but lost the dog, and permanently jammed the human door
- House now filled only with what can fit through a dog door
- Rich makes $200 more than Mr. Teddy annually, which makes him furious
- waits every night outside the school after his shift ends to bash Rich's head in with a tire iron and rise up to 'Big Janitor'
- He waits in a crouched position for hours as Rich sips down cups of tepid soup
- Seconds after Mr. Teddy's horrible knock-knees give out and he turns his back, Rich comes blasting out of the school
- Rich immediately sees him and calls him "Mr. Teddy Bear," or like "Mr. Ted Bundy" or some weird bullshit like that and forces him to change a tire on his car and throw the perfectly
good one in the trash
- Does this every work day for a year
- Just wants his last name back
- Was temporarily dead as a baby, Rich filled him up with spores trying to give him mouth to mouth and brought him back to life
- Rich holds it over his head
- Always says shit like, "AAAH, THEODORE! Remember when I, Ah, WRENCHED you away from your chance at a BLISSFUL AFTERLIFE, dooming you to be a fetid TOAD MAN here on EArth? …. AAH I'm just messin' arounnd."
- Mr. Teddy is a baby skeleton covered in a mansworth of skin
- will definitely hit the spesh no question
- got fired from his previous job at the hardware story for smoking weed out back while on shift
- he wasn't let go because he was intoxicated at work, this is pretty much expected
- its cuz he smoked piddly little spliffs that were like 80% spesh, which is fucking gross
- he also manages leave the filter soaking wet after every hit so you can't really even smoke with him
- puckering up that little butthole mouth
- just thinkin about it makes Sid's skin crawl

Unless otherwise stated, the content of this page is licensed under Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike 3.0 License