Levi "Loglegs" Cloumbus Junior

- Born 1880, died 1995
- Grandfather of Brundin Cloumbus
- he has 2 log legs
- committed a litany of atrocities during World Wars I and II
- Poised to inherit the failing Levi's Lumber Mill from his father, Levi Cloumbus Senior, Levi Junior opted instead to follow his dream of piloting an international war machine
- Before the service, when they were both teenagers, Cleetus' Grandfather worked at the mill with Levi Junior
- The night before their deployment, they were both working late and Cloumbus got his shit all jammed in the cogs of the water wheel
- Cleetus' Grandfather was too late to pull him out, and was the only witness to the moment where Levi Cloumbus, the man, became the legendary Loglegs
- no one knows where the leg ends and the log starts
- some theorize that the log starts below the knee, but there are those that will tell you he's full-on logs all the way up, both sides
- Basically he just whittled some bone holders in some spare logs and put shoes on em
- He then swore Cleetus' Grandfather to secrecy cuz he really wanted to get over there and start "trying to make a buck on the long game"
- This bound Cleetus' Grandfather to him, and when Cloumbus was begranted a Colonelship via channels of nepotism which afforded him the chance to commit some lucrative war crimes, Cleetus' Grandfather followed him as his first Capitan
- Loglegs repeatedly pinned everything on on Cleetus' grandfather before dozens of military tribunals and the U.N. Security Council
- when he got home, he told everyone he got his log legs in the war and changed the name to "Loglegs' Lumber Mill"
- now best known for a terrifying series of local TV commercials he put out during the 1980s in a desperate bid to keep the mill afloat
- to this day, kids at Rip Van Winkle High School will yell his catchphrases "IT'S ME, LOGLEGS," and "I'LL SELL YOU THE LOGS OFF MY LEGS!"
- the now-abandoned mill provides an ideal location to take narc kids and scare em real good, mostly by going there at night
- Once you're in there in the dark surrounded by logs and someone
starts chanting "LOG LEGS LOG LEGS LOG LEGS" after a while the logs start to look like legs and all the narcs usually get pretty freaked out
- Also the source of a widespread local misconception that the daddy longlegs spider is called the "daddy loglegs"
- There are often heated arguments and home football games about which one is correct
- Mostly because there are so many spiders nesting in the bleachers that its the only thing to talk about, really

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