Derek

- Derek's mom kept him inside until age 13
- Sid and Derek chill a lot
- Danny Blampton always refers to him as "potsticker"
- Derek doesn't know what his dad does for a living
- his dad's favorite hobbies include smoking cigars and raking leaves and then burning them
- he claims that it's all about defending his "rights as an American citizen"
- there are many large barrels in his garage in which his dad burns leaves on a regular basis
- hella nice barrels imported from various locales
- barrels made from the choicest industrial materials
- from time to time, Derek makes mention of "the darkness"
- Derek and his family eat a lot of white bread
- There are 2 TVs in their house that are always on, and theres a vent in the floor so you can hear both of them
- When he's home alone, he watches TV upstairs instead of in the basement
- Derek holds a job as a dishwasher at Barnwell
- Derek also worked at Benina's for a short period of time
- Derek poisons himself and others for fun, but always slips them the antidote before the effects kick in, so only he knows about it
- because of this, he has built up a strong resistance to many of the most frequently-used poisons
- this has the additional side effect of rendering his body wholly invulnerable to any attempted medical/chemical intervention
- has seen almost every TV show ever made, can recount full plot arcs from any number of the obscure classics of daytime television
- has an ever-growing list of over 200 fears, including such diverse earthly phenomena as lighthouses and trail mix
- Akin to Guy Fieri in stature
- Can only speak by yelling or whispering
- He's usually trying to do both
- Revered in the area for his brooding portrayal of Donkey in Shrek the Musical Jr.
- He has played the same role at thee different high schools four different times


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