Crandley Brittle

- Local record holder, historically the "Biggest Student" at Rip Van Winkle High School
- 8' tall
- Might still be growing
- Vertical leap height is garbage tho
- Because of this combination, he's constantly being asked to play sports he has no business playing
- Tries his best
- It rarely goes well, those knees are blown out for sure
- His sister chewed and swallowed so much of her own hair that she had a ball of it in her stomach the size of a watermelon
- Everyone in his family just thought she was being "really annoying" so it took them a while to figure it out
- Licensed small aircraft pilot
- Once detailed to Derek his scheme for asking someone to prom
- He was gonna take them up in an small plane and ask them, and they would feel compelled to say yes
- Due to the 'implications involved in being one on one with someone in the cockpit of a single-engine aircraft'
- He was eating a sandwich when he said it but that didn't make it any less eerie
- Hangs out with narcs like Brundin Cloumbus and Brady Simco
- The first time he smoked weed they found him crying in the same deli where that happened
- Pretty much all of Crandley's formative moments occurred in this one deli, or in bathrooms
- It is unclear whether this is more of a testament to his personality, or just how much time he spends in the deli and the bathroom
- Once went to a pizza restaurant in a neighboring town for the express purpose of seeing how many wings he could eat on 50 Cent Wing Night
- Turns out it was 67, and an onlooker was quoted as saying that it was "the single most frightening thing I have ever seen in real life."
- Someone else said he was "sucking the marrow out of every bone with no life behind his eyes."
- They don't have 50 Cent Wing Night anymore, and Crandley spent 33 dollars to prove, yet again, how enormous he is

too many words? try FIST LAD UNIVERSE

Unless otherwise stated, the content of this page is licensed under Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike 3.0 License