Crandley Brittle

- Local record holder, historically the "Biggest Student" at Rip Van Winkle High School
- 8' tall
- Might still be growing
- Vertical leap height is garbage tho
- Because of this combination, he's constantly being asked to play sports he has no business playing
- Tries his best
- It rarely goes well, those knees are blown out for sure
- His sister chewed and swallowed so much of her own hair that she had a ball of it in her stomach the size of a watermelon
- Everyone in his family just thought she was being "really annoying" so it took them a while to figure it out
- Licensed small aircraft pilot
- Once detailed to Derek his scheme for asking someone to prom
- He was gonna take them up in an small plane and ask them, and they would feel compelled to say yes
- Due to the 'implications involved in being one on one with someone in the cockpit of a single-engine aircraft'
- He was eating a sandwich when he said it but that didn't make it any less eerie
- The first time he smoked weed they found him crying in the same deli where that happened
- Pretty much all of Crandley's formative moments occurred in this one deli, or in bathrooms
- It is unclear whether this is more of a testament to his personality, or just how much time he spends in the deli and the bathroom
- Once went to a pizza restaurant in a neighboring town for the express purpose of seeing how many wings he could eat on 50 Cent Wing Night
- Turns out it was 67, and an onlooker was quoted as saying that it was "the single most frightening thing I have ever seen in real life."
- Someone else said he was "sucking the marrow out of every bone with no life behind his eyes."
- They don't have 50 Cent Wing Night anymore, and Crandley spent 33 dollars to prove, yet again, how enormous he is

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