Chris Kevin

- Personal injury and criminal defense lawyer
- His clients include Wilbur Curtis, Terry, and Barb
- Mostly Barb
- He is also the frontman of the local black metal band Wide Spread Exposure, which was the main influence for the teen rock act Terminal Velocity
- They reached the peak of their notoriety in 1996, when their song 'Bladder Enthusiast' circulated around nearby college radio stations
- Since then, they have remained curiously active despite the complete lack of any fanbase, recording opportunities, or sensible and legitimate reason to do so
- They released their most recent album in August of 2018, titled Hallway of Punching
- He's into other real hardcore shit like doing Iron Man races and snorting a lot of pills
- David Larry films all his commercials
- He also films all of his workout routines and distributes them to local libraries and media networks per Chris' request
- Chris says he does this because "90% of the case is won before I even step into the courtroom, as long as everyone sees what these calves can do."
- Once he clipped Cleetus with his BMW going like 50 in a school zone, and paid him $40 to keep quiet about it
- Cleetus thought that this was incredibly generous at the time

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